Why my wife's death caused me to be traumatized

"The worst thing that has ever happened to me was the death of my wife, barely a month after marriage.
I understood a lot of things then,
Why people commit suicide, why people talk to themselves, why people lose focus.

 We were so young, I was 28, she was 25 and the love of my life .
I resigned a high paying job because I couldn't focus, I haven't washed my clothes or cooked in over 3years of dating.

 But the worst of it was all the frequent calls and talking through the day. I had no one to call, she was my best friend.





I was an angry wrecking ball, angry with God, life, everything. 3 years after, I'm still single, i'm healed of the hurt and anger but a part of me is gone. I couldn't talk to anyone about how I felt.

 I was dying inside, No appetite, can't work, always angry. I wasn't alive.

But I let myself grief. I didn't try to stop it or find someone, I wanted healing so I can give my best to the next lady.

Life felt so worthless then but Christ came for me. He showed me that something good can come from a bad situation, reminded me of all God's generals.




I saw that grief was a part of making me grow.
I still miss my wife, I still love her, We had dreams, she made a man from the boy I was.
But I know more the depths of God's love because it found me when I even wanted to die."